Through all of this, the one thing that David and Benji had in common was a devout love for their adoring grandmother, an immigrant from Poland who cared deeply for her grandsons, even if it meant employing some tough love at times (especially with Benji). Ironically, her recent passing provided an opportunity to reunite the cousins, as she set aside money for the two of them to take a trip to Poland to visit their ancestral Jewish homeland. It was to be her final gift to them, and she so wanted them to have the experience of exploring their family’s roots. And so, with this loving and generous incentive in place, David and Benji decide to embark on this journey of discovery – not just to become acquainted with their family’s past, but also to see if it’s possible to recapture the connection they once had for one another. Moreover, though, it would ultimately become a journey that would bring them closer in touch with themselves, too.
Upon arrival in Warsaw, David and Benji join up with the other members of their tour group, a small collection of travelers on a highly personal Jewish heritage expedition. It would be a trip designed to take the visitors to many historic sites across Poland, including traditionally Jewish neighborhoods, various cultural enclaves and ethnic cemeteries, as well as the Majdanak concentration camp outside Lublin. In addition, David and Benji would append their own ending to the tour with a visit to their grandmother’s ancestral home, the stop they both most anticipate.
Once-close but long-estranged cousins Benji and David Kaplan (Kieran Culkin, left; Jesse Eisenberg, right) reunite for a Jewish heritage tour of Poland in hopes of rediscovering their connection and insights into themselves in “A Real Pain,” now playing theatrically. Photo courtesy of Searchlight Pictures.
The tour is led by James (Will Sharpe), an academic guide with a wealth of knowledge about the history and culture of Poland’s Jewish population and the various sites visited. Joining him and the cousins are four fellow travelers, all of whom are on pilgrimages of sorts of their own: Marsha (Jennifer Grey), a recently divorced middle-aged former Angelino looking to rebuild her life; Mark (Daniel Oreskas) and Diane (Liza Sedovy), a mature married couple from Ohio whose ancestors managed to escape Poland before any of the 20th Century’s major atrocities erupted, relatives whom they affectionately refer to as “Mayflower Jews”; and Eloge (Kurt Egyiawan), a Rwandan refugee who fled his homeland in the wake of his country’s genocide and immigrated to Canada, where he discovered and devoutly embraced Judaism. And then, of course, there are the cousins, whose introduction to the group is marked by Benji’s charming but cryptic and quasi-inappropriate musings, behavior that would come to characterize many of his interactions with the group during their tour (and would often leave David dumbstruck by what he observes).
The following day, the tour embarks on its site visits, all of which are diverse in nature but most of which end up eliciting Benji’s unpredictable behavior, followed by David’s attempts at deciphering these incidents and/or apologizing to his fellow travelers for his cousin’s unforeseen indiscreet and enigmatic outbursts. As awkward as these episodes can be, however, they help to shed light on Benji’s state of mind, insights that provide David with food for thought on where his cousin is coming from, as well as what might have prompted such events in the first place. At the same time, these occurrences also help David to better understand his relationship with Benji, as well as his understanding of himself and how and why his life has unfolded as it has, particularly since he last saw his cousin. That’s especially true for David getting in touch with what he believes he’s lost about himself since becoming a husband, father and upstanding responsible adult. While he may not regret what he’s become, he also can’t help but wonder about what he’s given up in the process, qualities like spontaneity and charisma that Benji has managed to hold onto, even if having done so has carried its own set of challenging consequences, especially in social settings.
Such is how their trip plays out. But, by the time David and Benji reach the end, are they any clearer about their situations than when they started out? Did this hoped-for revelatory experience provide them with the meaningful answers they sought when they went into it? And, if not, what are they supposed to take away from this odyssey, and will it help them going forward? Those are the kinds of questions many of us may ask ourselves when we take the time to stop and concertedly assess the state of our lives. But do the answers help? In the end, it comes down to what we believe.
While on a Jewish heritage tour of Poland, Brooklynite David Kaplan (Jesse Eisenberg, right) confers with his knowledgeable tour guide, James (Will Sharpe, left), in the insightful new comedy-drama, “A Real Pain,” now playing theatrically. Photo courtesy of Searchlight Pictures.
Given where David and Benji are coming from, that’s a tall order, especially since they have only a vague idea of where to begin, let alone how to find answers. That’s especially true for Benji, whose unpredictable behavior reveals that he probably has almost no clue what he knows about himself or what he wants out of life. He can be brooding and withdrawn one minute and then wildly manic the next. He can also be charming and approachable one second and then crude, insensitive and inappropriate the next. It’s almost as if he’s trying out different approaches to life to see what works best for him, but these constant shifts in behavior and attitude provide him with no meaningful or useful insights. And, as a consequence, others have no idea what to make of him – or he of himself.
David finds himself somewhat in the same boat, even if his perspectives and actions are more subdued than those of his cousin. For instance, he often finds himself frustrated with Benji, especially since he has little idea where his erratic behavior is coming from. Naturally, he’s confused; whatever beliefs David must have held about Benji when they were younger no longer apply, because his cousin appears to have changed – but then so has David himself. He’s approaching life differently from when he was younger, and that altered outlook makes it difficult for him to understand Benji. And that, in turn, prompts David to take a good, hard look at himself, to gain a new appreciation of his own current sense of self.
From that, David is quietly troubled that he has given up things about himself that he once liked, attributes that he subverted or sacrificed for the sake of being responsible. What’s more, his now-more reserved nature makes him feel somewhat marginalized compared to Benji, who seems to be the center of attention most of the time, be it for better or worse. When Benji’s charming and thoughtful sides emerge, he’s embraced by everyone around him. And, when his troubling side surfaces, he’s the recipient of concern and sympathy, regardless of whether the behavior that prompted this response was legitimate or questionable. Meanwhile, in most cases, David is either ignored or paid scant lip service to however he behaves, reactions that make him feel underappreciated, frustrated, left out, and, in some cases, angry or envious.
Marsha (Jennifer Grey), a middle-aged, recently divorced former Angelino, embarks on a Jewish heritage tour of Poland in hopes that it provides her with insights into rebuilding her life in writer-director Jesse Eisenberg’s “A Real Pain.” Photo courtesy of Searchlight Pictures.
The bottom line in this is that Benji and David are trying to reconcile significant disconnects with each other and within themselves. But where do they look for answers? In some respects, they’re both hoping that this trip will provide meaningful clues. Getting to know their ancestors’ heritage, they believe, will provide them with insights about themselves. But will it? Even though this journey is meant to be a tribute to their late grandmother and a way to better understand their family’s legacy, their predecessors’ existence in the old country was very different from the lives they’re each leading now. And, even though this excursion could be seen as a fitting homage and an intriguing look into their relatives’ past, will the insights they glean from it really provide the kind of clarity they seek about themselves now? Indeed, in the end, they may find the experience modestly interesting, but will it be enlightening and helpful? Invariably, they’re likely to achieve greater success by looking to themselves and the beliefs they hold about their existence.
This is particularly true for Benji, who develops a close friendship with Marsha. She’s in the process of putting her life back together after a major change in her circumstances, and Benji may well believe that he can learn something valuable for himself by drawing from her experience. But can he, given that she seems to be almost as lost as he is? She may well have just as much trouble getting in touch with the beliefs behind her existence as Benji does about his.
Similarly, Benji appears to sense – albeit vaguely – that accessing the beliefs underlying his emotions is important to figuring things out. This comes to light in the often-hostile reactions he has to James’s intellectualized observations offered up during the course of the tour. Benji seems almost offended that James discusses the lives of Poland’s Jewish forbears in such “clinical” terms, doing little to evoke the feelings behind what those individuals may have experienced in favor of a largely academic framing to his running commentary. On some level, Benji seems to realize that emotions and their associated beliefs are important to understanding oneself, but he sees James’s intellectual musings as getting in the way of grasping the core of that notion. This may be little more than a knee jerk reaction on Benji’s part, but it nevertheless provides a clue about what’s going on with him internally. The trick for him, of course, is can he recognize the value in this and how it might help lead him to the answers he seeks?
Clearly this overall experience provides the cousins with much to chew on. But is it enough? In many regards, it can be viewed as a starting point for further evaluation. However, doing the legwork in their search for self and the beliefs that underlie it is up to them. Here’s wishing them well – as well as the same for anyone else experiencing similar circumstances.
In hopes of finding the personally meaningful answers they seek, cousins Benji (Kieran Culkin, left) and David Kaplan (Jesse Eisenberg, right) tour historic Jewish ancestry sites on a tour of Poland as seen in “A Real Pain,” a multiple award winner and nominee now playing theatrically. Photo courtesy of Searchlight Pictures.
Finding ourselves can be an eye-opening, enlightening but sometimes-painful ordeal, especially if we’re unclear about where to look and how to go about it. Such is the case for the cousins in this impressive release from writer-actor-director Eisenberg. As their odyssey unfolds, they come to realize that they can only go so far in looking outward for guidance and meaningful insight. And the picture’s aptly selected title is an ably suitable metaphor on multiple levels, not only in describing Benji’s often-manic, irrational and unpredictable behavior, but also in characterizing the anguish that he and David undergo in making their way through this emotional minefield. While the film’s road trip/buddy movie format could use some periodic tweaking in terms of focus and its balance between comedy and drama, it nevertheless provides a subtle but poignant examination of conditions that many of us experience. The film features a breakout performance by Culkin, who shows just how adept he can be with the right material (an award-worthy portrayal, to be sure), as well as a refreshingly understated portrayal by Eisenberg uncharacteristically playing against type. Add to this the film’s gorgeous cinematography of Polish landmarks and the country’s landscapes, as well as its fittingly appropriate Frédéric Chopin soundtrack, and you’ve got a profoundly thoughtful release, one that should give anyone in the cousins’ shoes pause for reflection, something from which we can all benefit from time to time, no matter what we’re ultimately looking for and where we’re searching for it.
‘A Real Pain’ chronicles the search for self
“A Real Pain” (2024). Cast: Kieran Culkin, Jesse Eisenberg, Will Sharpe, Daniel Oreskas, Liza Sedovy, Kurt Egyiawan, Jennifer Grey, Ellora Torchia. Director: Jesse Eisenberg. Screenplay: Jesse Eisenberg. Web site. Trailer.
The search for self is a process that many of us believe we complete when we come of age. However, as we often later discover, it’s something we need to revisit as the circumstances of our lives evolve. In fact, we might find that this is an ongoing, life-long process that requires continual vigilance and assessment. That can be confusing, if not disconcerting, particularly if we assume we’ve arrived at all the answers we need at an earlier stage of life. What’s more, we may complicate matters by believing that the answers to these questions lie outside of ourselves. But do they? While it’s true that these influences may provide clues about how and where to look, resolution and understanding generally reside within us, an indication that the search for self may be best accomplished by going within. These are among the considerations astutely addressed in the engaging and insightful new comedy-drama, “A Real Pain.”
Cousins David and Benji Kaplan (Jesse Eisenberg, Kieran Culkin) have been best friends since childhood. While they’ve always had their differences, they nevertheless grew up together thick as thieves and then later spent considerable time running the streets of New York as young adults. In recent years, however, their lives changed, and they’ve drifted apart. David married and became a father, necessitating him to settle down with a dull but steady tech job to support his family and maintain a stable lifestyle. Benji meanwhile stayed single but somehow became lost, unfocused and directionless. In that time, David has grown increasingly concerned about the well-being of his cousin, particularly the state of his mental health. At the same time, though, there’s little that David can realistically do for him, given that Benji’s aimless approach to life is on him – and only he can solve it, no matter how supportive David might want to be.
Through all of this, the one thing that David and Benji had in common was a devout love for their adoring grandmother, an immigrant from Poland who cared deeply for her grandsons, even if it meant employing some tough love at times (especially with Benji). Ironically, her recent passing provided an opportunity to reunite the cousins, as she set aside money for the two of them to take a trip to Poland to visit their ancestral Jewish homeland. It was to be her final gift to them, and she so wanted them to have the experience of exploring their family’s roots. And so, with this loving and generous incentive in place, David and Benji decide to embark on this journey of discovery – not just to become acquainted with their family’s past, but also to see if it’s possible to recapture the connection they once had for one another. Moreover, though, it would ultimately become a journey that would bring them closer in touch with themselves, too.
Upon arrival in Warsaw, David and Benji join up with the other members of their tour group, a small collection of travelers on a highly personal Jewish heritage expedition. It would be a trip designed to take the visitors to many historic sites across Poland, including traditionally Jewish neighborhoods, various cultural enclaves and ethnic cemeteries, as well as the Majdanak concentration camp outside Lublin. In addition, David and Benji would append their own ending to the tour with a visit to their grandmother’s ancestral home, the stop they both most anticipate.
The tour is led by James (Will Sharpe), an academic guide with a wealth of knowledge about the history and culture of Poland’s Jewish population and the various sites visited. Joining him and the cousins are four fellow travelers, all of whom are on pilgrimages of sorts of their own: Marsha (Jennifer Grey), a recently divorced middle-aged former Angelino looking to rebuild her life; Mark (Daniel Oreskas) and Diane (Liza Sedovy), a mature married couple from Ohio whose ancestors managed to escape Poland before any of the 20th Century’s major atrocities erupted, relatives whom they affectionately refer to as “Mayflower Jews”; and Eloge (Kurt Egyiawan), a Rwandan refugee who fled his homeland in the wake of his country’s genocide and immigrated to Canada, where he discovered and devoutly embraced Judaism. And then, of course, there are the cousins, whose introduction to the group is marked by Benji’s charming but cryptic and quasi-inappropriate musings, behavior that would come to characterize many of his interactions with the group during their tour (and would often leave David dumbstruck by what he observes).
The following day, the tour embarks on its site visits, all of which are diverse in nature but most of which end up eliciting Benji’s unpredictable behavior, followed by David’s attempts at deciphering these incidents and/or apologizing to his fellow travelers for his cousin’s unforeseen indiscreet and enigmatic outbursts. As awkward as these episodes can be, however, they help to shed light on Benji’s state of mind, insights that provide David with food for thought on where his cousin is coming from, as well as what might have prompted such events in the first place. At the same time, these occurrences also help David to better understand his relationship with Benji, as well as his understanding of himself and how and why his life has unfolded as it has, particularly since he last saw his cousin. That’s especially true for David getting in touch with what he believes he’s lost about himself since becoming a husband, father and upstanding responsible adult. While he may not regret what he’s become, he also can’t help but wonder about what he’s given up in the process, qualities like spontaneity and charisma that Benji has managed to hold onto, even if having done so has carried its own set of challenging consequences, especially in social settings.
Such is how their trip plays out. But, by the time David and Benji reach the end, are they any clearer about their situations than when they started out? Did this hoped-for revelatory experience provide them with the meaningful answers they sought when they went into it? And, if not, what are they supposed to take away from this odyssey, and will it help them going forward? Those are the kinds of questions many of us may ask ourselves when we take the time to stop and concertedly assess the state of our lives. But do the answers help? In the end, it comes down to what we believe.
Our beliefs ultimately provide the cornerstone of how we see ourselves. In fact, they form the basis for the very existence we experience, the key principle underlying the conscious creation process, the philosophy that maintains these resources are responsible for manifesting our reality, even if we’re not fully aware of those notions or understand how or why they occupy such a prominent place in our consciousness. It’s unclear whether the cousins are aware of this school of thought, but, based on how their lives are unfolding, it’s a line of thinking they should make a sincere effort to recognize, grasp and put to use in order to create harmony, contentment and peace of mind for themselves.
Given where David and Benji are coming from, that’s a tall order, especially since they have only a vague idea of where to begin, let alone how to find answers. That’s especially true for Benji, whose unpredictable behavior reveals that he probably has almost no clue what he knows about himself or what he wants out of life. He can be brooding and withdrawn one minute and then wildly manic the next. He can also be charming and approachable one second and then crude, insensitive and inappropriate the next. It’s almost as if he’s trying out different approaches to life to see what works best for him, but these constant shifts in behavior and attitude provide him with no meaningful or useful insights. And, as a consequence, others have no idea what to make of him – or he of himself.
David finds himself somewhat in the same boat, even if his perspectives and actions are more subdued than those of his cousin. For instance, he often finds himself frustrated with Benji, especially since he has little idea where his erratic behavior is coming from. Naturally, he’s confused; whatever beliefs David must have held about Benji when they were younger no longer apply, because his cousin appears to have changed – but then so has David himself. He’s approaching life differently from when he was younger, and that altered outlook makes it difficult for him to understand Benji. And that, in turn, prompts David to take a good, hard look at himself, to gain a new appreciation of his own current sense of self.
From that, David is quietly troubled that he has given up things about himself that he once liked, attributes that he subverted or sacrificed for the sake of being responsible. What’s more, his now-more reserved nature makes him feel somewhat marginalized compared to Benji, who seems to be the center of attention most of the time, be it for better or worse. When Benji’s charming and thoughtful sides emerge, he’s embraced by everyone around him. And, when his troubling side surfaces, he’s the recipient of concern and sympathy, regardless of whether the behavior that prompted this response was legitimate or questionable. Meanwhile, in most cases, David is either ignored or paid scant lip service to however he behaves, reactions that make him feel underappreciated, frustrated, left out, and, in some cases, angry or envious.
The bottom line in this is that Benji and David are trying to reconcile significant disconnects with each other and within themselves. But where do they look for answers? In some respects, they’re both hoping that this trip will provide meaningful clues. Getting to know their ancestors’ heritage, they believe, will provide them with insights about themselves. But will it? Even though this journey is meant to be a tribute to their late grandmother and a way to better understand their family’s legacy, their predecessors’ existence in the old country was very different from the lives they’re each leading now. And, even though this excursion could be seen as a fitting homage and an intriguing look into their relatives’ past, will the insights they glean from it really provide the kind of clarity they seek about themselves now? Indeed, in the end, they may find the experience modestly interesting, but will it be enlightening and helpful? Invariably, they’re likely to achieve greater success by looking to themselves and the beliefs they hold about their existence.
This is particularly true for Benji, who develops a close friendship with Marsha. She’s in the process of putting her life back together after a major change in her circumstances, and Benji may well believe that he can learn something valuable for himself by drawing from her experience. But can he, given that she seems to be almost as lost as he is? She may well have just as much trouble getting in touch with the beliefs behind her existence as Benji does about his.
Similarly, Benji appears to sense – albeit vaguely – that accessing the beliefs underlying his emotions is important to figuring things out. This comes to light in the often-hostile reactions he has to James’s intellectualized observations offered up during the course of the tour. Benji seems almost offended that James discusses the lives of Poland’s Jewish forbears in such “clinical” terms, doing little to evoke the feelings behind what those individuals may have experienced in favor of a largely academic framing to his running commentary. On some level, Benji seems to realize that emotions and their associated beliefs are important to understanding oneself, but he sees James’s intellectual musings as getting in the way of grasping the core of that notion. This may be little more than a knee jerk reaction on Benji’s part, but it nevertheless provides a clue about what’s going on with him internally. The trick for him, of course, is can he recognize the value in this and how it might help lead him to the answers he seeks?
Clearly this overall experience provides the cousins with much to chew on. But is it enough? In many regards, it can be viewed as a starting point for further evaluation. However, doing the legwork in their search for self and the beliefs that underlie it is up to them. Here’s wishing them well – as well as the same for anyone else experiencing similar circumstances.
Finding ourselves can be an eye-opening, enlightening but sometimes-painful ordeal, especially if we’re unclear about where to look and how to go about it. Such is the case for the cousins in this impressive release from writer-actor-director Eisenberg. As their odyssey unfolds, they come to realize that they can only go so far in looking outward for guidance and meaningful insight. And the picture’s aptly selected title is an ably suitable metaphor on multiple levels, not only in describing Benji’s often-manic, irrational and unpredictable behavior, but also in characterizing the anguish that he and David undergo in making their way through this emotional minefield. While the film’s road trip/buddy movie format could use some periodic tweaking in terms of focus and its balance between comedy and drama, it nevertheless provides a subtle but poignant examination of conditions that many of us experience. The film features a breakout performance by Culkin, who shows just how adept he can be with the right material (an award-worthy portrayal, to be sure), as well as a refreshingly understated portrayal by Eisenberg uncharacteristically playing against type. Add to this the film’s gorgeous cinematography of Polish landmarks and the country’s landscapes, as well as its fittingly appropriate Frédéric Chopin soundtrack, and you’ve got a profoundly thoughtful release, one that should give anyone in the cousins’ shoes pause for reflection, something from which we can all benefit from time to time, no matter what we’re ultimately looking for and where we’re searching for it.
“A Real Pain” is deservedly racking up its share of awards season recognition, including four Golden Globe Award nominations for best picture (musical/comedy), best actor (musical/comedy) (Eisenberg), best supporting actor (Culkin) and best screenplay, as well as two Independent Spirit Award nominations for best screenplay and supporting performance (Culkin). In addition, the picture earned the National Board of Review’s award for best supporting actor (Culkin) and a designation as one of 2024’s Top 10 Films, an honor similarly bestowed upon it by the American Film Institute. And, earlier in the year, “A Real Pain” won the Sundance Film Festival’s Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award and was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize for drama. The film is currently playing theatrically.
Finding ourselves can be a truly rewarding experience, but it often takes work, and sometimes on a continuing basis, too. Indeed, it can be, to quote the movie’s title, “a real pain.” The effort is worth it, though, especially when it yields the satisfaction and fulfillment we seek. And, thankfully, it’s a venture that conveniently begins at home. So don’t go booking that flight to Warsaw just yet….
Copyright © 2024, by Brent Marchant. All rights reserved.